Survivors of Suicide: Do’s & Don’ts

March is Social Work Month, and I want to recognize and honor the social workers who show up every day to support individuals, families, and communities through some of life’s most difficult moments.  One area where this support can be especially important is after the loss of a loved one to suicide. Survivors of suicide loss often face not only profound grief, but also the stigma and silence that can surround conversations about suicide. I am so grateful for the social workers in our community and the care they provide every day in this field of work. Their perspective offers guidance for how we can all show up with greater compassion and understanding for those navigating this kind of grief.

Survivors of Suicide: the Dos and Don’ts

The term survivor of suicide is used to describe someone who has lost a loved one to suicide or has experienced a suicide attempt in their life. In this piece, I want to focus on those who have lost someone they love. That person might be a family member, friend, client, co-worker, or anyone whose life intersected with theirs in a meaningful way.

It almost goes without saying that talking about suicide can feel frightening. The stigma surrounding the topic is still incredibly strong, and because of that stigma, people who have lost someone to suicide often carry an additional burden on top of their grief. Many survivors find themselves navigating not only the loss of a loved one, but also silence, discomfort, and sometimes even judgment from others.

Let me ask you a question.

What would you do if a friend lost someone to cancer?

You might attend the funeral. You might check in on them a few days later. You might bring them a casserole or a meal. You might sit with them and reminisce about the person who died. You might ask how you can help.

These gestures are natural responses to loss. They are ways we show up for one another in grief.

Unfortunately, survivors of suicide loss often do not receive the same response. The stigma around suicide can make people unsure of what to say or do, and that discomfort can lead to silence or distance. For someone who is already grieving, that silence can feel incredibly isolating.

As a survivor of suicide loss, I ask you to take a moment to consider the following dos and don’ts. Small acts of compassion can make a meaningful difference. And if you ever find yourself unsure what to do, simply showing up matters more than you may realize.

It’s also important to keep resources available for yourself and others. If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available through the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and other resources listed on our website.

Do

• Say, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”
• Reach out and ask how you can help, directly and specifically.
• Bring food or offer practical help with everyday tasks.
• Seek support for yourself if you are helping someone through grief.
• Learn about suicide prevention and mental health.
• Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and other meaningful dates.
• Share happy memories of the person who died, just as you would with any other loss.
• Sit and listen. Let them talk about their loved one and their feelings.

Don’t

• Act like the loss didn’t happen.
• Blame the survivor or suggest they could have prevented it.
• Diminish the loss or compare it to something “less serious.”
• Refer to the person who died as weak or selfish.
• Offer advice or try to “fix” the grief.
• Be afraid to say the person’s name or talk about them.
• Disappear because you feel uncomfortable.

Grief after suicide loss can be complex, painful, and deeply personal. But one thing survivors should never have to experience is feeling alone in their grief. Compassion, presence, and understanding can help create space for healing.